It's been about two weeks since I became the new Beta female, and though the Alpha hasn't requested my audience yet, I've waited in anticipation. I wonder what being in an official meeting feels like, especially since I'll be expected to contribute and everyone's eyes will be on me. The thought gives me jitters again, but I cast it aside. I'm totally ready for this, and I'll give it my all. It's a responsibility I'm ready to accept.
I've been attending therapy for almost two weeks now, and though I can't say it's been fun having to remember and acknowledge the past, I can say it's been very uplifting. It's really been less than two weeks, but I feel like a completely different person. I've acknowledged that I didn't make a mistake; being born mute or not transforming when I was supposed to wasn't my doing, it wasn't my mistake, and I didn't deserve to be treated the way I was. I've accepted that Zephyr was the one who made a mistake and he had no right to accuse and abuse me no matter what. I've come to accept my past and everything it holds, and doing that has given me a chance to get a grasp on myself, to finally build up desires and expectations. I feel like I can finally dream again. I'm finally free, and the feeling is the best in the world. Most importantly, the flashbacks and the nightmares are fading away. I'm building up my self-confidence, and though I'm not quite there yet, I know I'll be the independent woman I want to be in the near future.
I rock Nevaeh in my arms one final time, glad that she's finally asleep. I carefully place her in her crib and drop onto my bed, exhausted. Last night she'd been a handful, and this is honestly the first time she's ever troubled me.
She was crying so much last night and refused to go to sleep. I eventually found out that she had a little fever, and it instantly worried me because the doctor had warned us about handling her health carefully. She's a very precious child, and I don't want my mistake or carelessness to give her a permanent problem that she would have to deal with for the rest of her life. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if it happened.
I had to call the doctor in the middle of the night to check up on her because I was so scared, but the doctor assured me that she would be fine. It was likely just a small cold, as the weather's been very chilly lately, probably signs of winter, and she reminded me to keep my room warm as much as possible. She told me that as long as I was cautious, the fever would go away on its own before morning.
It's still early in the morning and the sun is just rising, but I'm hella tired. I couldn't get any sleep last night, and now that Nevaeh is finally asleep, I just want to close my eyes and sleep as much as possible.
I had barely drifted off to sleep when I heard my door fling open, instantly jolting me up from bed. Fear instantly seized my heart as I was afraid that the impact of the sound would wake Nevaeh up after I had put so much effort into normalizing her temperature and putting her to sleep, but thankfully, it didn't.
She stirred a bit but went right back to sleep. She must be very tired as well, poor thing. When I was sure that it was code blue, I turned back to the person at the door, ready to glare at them until they ran off and hid somewhere, but my anger lessened a lot when I saw that it was Elsie.