AdamHey, whaddya up to?
LucyUgh, nothing. Drinking alone and swiping through Tinder.
AdamAnd that’s why we’re friends 🙂
LucyBecause I’m the one person more pathetic than you are?
AdamBecause you’re the one person who won’t judge me for spending my Friday night drinking alone on Tinder. 🍺
LucyYou know I’ve got your back, lol.
AdamEver since you shared your crayons with me in kindergarten.
LucyFriends forever – I’ll drink to that!
AdamHey, why aren’t we drinking together?
LucyI have no idea.
LucyI’m already in bed, though.
AdamWant to get together tomorrow, then?
LucyHow about 7 at the Roadhouse? Unless one of us finds a date before then.
AdamGiven tonight’s prospects, I’m pretty sure I’ll be free.
LucyWe need to find you someone, Adam.
LucyYou’ve been single for too long!
LucyNow ME on the other hand…
AdamI can’t believe how long you were with Craig.
LucyUgh, me neither.
LucyAnd then he dumped me like it was nothing 🙁
AdamHere’s to better relationships — for both of us.
LucyAMEN.
One minute later.
LucyHey, guess what?
AdamWhat?
LucyI just swiped right on a guy who’s not hideous, has a job, and uses complete sentences.
AdamWow.
LucyI know. I can’t believe my standards are so low.
AdamWelcome to singledom!
LucyOh shit, I just matched with him!
AdamUh, good luck?
LucyI’ll keep you posted…
Lucy pours herself a whiskey.
On Tinder, she sees a text from the guy she just swiped right on.
His name is Raul.
RaulHey there.
LucyHi! What’s up?
RaulYou’re up late tonight 🙂
LucyI’m a total night owl, haha. What about you?
RaulTotal morning person.
LucyOh noooo!
LucyWe’re already incompatible!
RaulDamn! And I was about to ask if you wanted to get a drink this weekend.
LucyHaha, I’ll think about it.
LucyAt least you didn’t suggest a 5 am run.
RaulLOL. You know I’m a personal trainer, right?
LucyYeah, it was pretty hard to miss that on your profile.
LucyAnd I know it’s true, what with the biceps and all 😉
RaulI resisted posting any gym selfies, though.
LucyIt’s good to show a little restraint.
RaulNot too much, though…
RaulI don’t believe in holding back.
Damn, this guy isn’t shy!
Lucy takes a sip of whiskey.
RaulI’d have trouble picking a favorite pic of yours 😉
LucyLol, I’m blushing.
RaulI’m sure that looks good, too.
LucyWhat’s keeping you up this late, early bird?
RaulIt’s Friday night, and my Saturday morning client cancelled…
RaulI just thought I’d see what someone beautiful like you is up to.
Just then Lucy’s phone vibrates.
She switches to a message from Adam.
AdamHow’s the prospect?
LucyUm.
Adam?
LucyHot.
AdamAnd?
LucyAnd hot.
AdamAny other redeeming qualities?
LucyHot, Adam! Isn’t that enough?
AdamI thought you said he “wasn’t hideous.”
LucyI was trying to temper my excitement.
AdamAnd now?
LucyAnd now I’ve had more to drink.
AdamLOL.
LucyFingers crossed!
Lucy switches back to Tinder.
RaulYou still there?
LucyHa, yeah. Just hanging out watching Hulu even though I should be getting ready for bed.
RaulYou know that means I have to ask you…
RaulWhat do you like to sleep in?
LucyIs that your way of finding out what I’m wearing?
RaulMaybe 😉
LucyI’m lying in bed in a thin, lacy tank top…
RaulAnd…?
LucyAnd a little something on the bottom to match.
RaulDamn.
RaulThat’s a nice image.
Lucy sees another text message from Adam.
AdamAre you sure this is a good idea?
LucyNo idea! 😍
LucyBut isn’t that the point?
LucyI spent EIGHT YEARS with Craig.
LucyHigh school, all of college…
AdamYou were always ditching me to hang out with him, just when the parties were heating up!
LucyThat’s why I need to have a little fun.
LucyAnd by have fun, I mean do something stupid.
AdamIsn’t “fun and stupid” why skydiving was invented?
LucyNo way! I’d rather get laid.
AdamYou really did miss out on dating in college, haha.
LucyWe didn’t all get around like some people.
AdamAh, the good old days.
AdamToo bad they didn’t last, lol.
LucyLet’s hope mine are just getting started! Since this new guy just asked what I’m wearing…
AdamI take it we’re not meeting at the Roadhouse tomorrow 😉
LucyDepends on what HE’S wearing!
She toggles back to Tinder.
LucyAnd you?
RaulAnd me, what?
LucyDon’t tell me you’re not going to return the favor and tell me what you’re wearing!
RaulI usually sleep in boxers…
LucyAnd?
RaulAnd…
RaulThat’s it…
RaulUnless you want me to put on more clothes for you?
RaulOr do you want me to take more off?
At that point Lucy HAS to text Adam.
LucyIncoming dick pic!
AdamShield your eyes!
LucyMaybe he’ll keep his boxers on, though…
AdamPretty sure this conversation is the definition of TMI.
LucyCome on! It’s late, I’m single for the first time in forever…
LucyCan’t a girl unwind a little?
AdamHow come I never match with someone like you???
LucyBecause I’m one of a kind!
AdamYou’re certainly unique, Luce.
AdamAnd don’t be bummed out, okay?
AdamCraig was an idiot for breaking up with you.
Lucy opens Raul’s picture.
LucyWOW.
RaulI kept it PG.
RaulOkay, maybe PG-13…
LucyI have a good imagination.
RaulGlad to hear it.
LucyAnd you have…
Lucy…
Raul???
LucyVERY nice abs.
RaulWhy thank you 🙂
LucyNow I suppose you’ll want me to return the favor.
RaulI do believe in equality.
Lucy takes a deep breath.
And another sip of whiskey.
Maybe it’s more like a gulp.
She snaps a picture of herself in her very low-cut lacy tank.
With a hint of underwear peeking out from under the covers.
She has a debate with herself for a minute, then says fuck it and presses send.
RaulNow it’s my turn to say WOW.
LucyThank you 🙂
RaulAny more where that came from?
LucyMaybe 😉
RaulI sure as hell hope so.
Lucy returns to her regular messages.
AdamDid your eyeballs burn off?
LucySomething is definitely on fire!
AdamJust remember that it occasionally matters what’s between their ears.
AdamNot just between their legs.
LucyThanks, Mom.
AdamI just don’t want to see you get hurt.
LucyYou mean get hurt again 🙁
AdamTake it from the master — I could write a book on shitty Tinder dates.
LucyYou just need to find the right girl.
AdamI’m trying, haha!
AdamBut you need the right guy.
AdamSomeone who appreciates you.
LucyAnd since that’s never going to happen, you’ll always have a drinking buddy at the Roadhouse!
AdamHey, I’m not complaining 🙂
Lucy wants to respond. But first she goes back to Tinder.
She sees that Raul has sent her another photo.
This one shows a LOT more than the one before…
Lucy licks her lips. Damn.
LucyYou’re making it hard for a night owl to get to sleep.
RaulIt’s your fault for making something hard in the first place…
Lucy pauses for a second.
But Raul is the first halfway-decent guy she’s talked to in AGES.
Why can’t she enjoy herself?
She takes one more sip of whiskey.
Then she sneaks her tank top up juuuust enough and takes a close-up.
She types a message to Raul.
LucyHere you go.
LucyI hope you enjoy 😉
Then she types a message to Adam.
LucyYou’re just jealous of all the dates I get.
Her phone vibrates with new messages.
She goes back to her chat with Adam.
AdamWHOA.
AdamWhat did you just send me???
Lucy frowns, confused.
What is he talking about?
Now she has a new message from Raul, too.
RaulUhhhhhh, how many other dates are we talking about?
Lucy stares at her phone.
That’s when she realizes her mistake.
She sent the racy picture to Adam.
And the joke about having a lot of dates to Raul.
First she texts Adam.
LucyShit.
Then she texts Raul.
LucyShit.
She downs the rest of her whiskey.
SHIT.