"How come?" Rhodes asks gently, folding his arms over his chest.
"Because I don't like being vulnerable. I've been vulnerable before and things haven't gone well for me, as I'm sure you can imagine. It's just scary; I don't want to rely on it only for it to all just go away," I mumble. I hear a soft sigh from Rhodes that causes me to lift my head.
"Yeah...the money," Rhodes sighs softly. I narrow my eyes at him.
"No, not the money. You, this...I don't want this to just go away," I gesture between the two of us. "Because I like this, and if it all just went away, then that would really suck." Rhodes's reaction warms my heart; a light smile rises slowly on his lips as he lifts up his head.
"Why do you think I'm just gonna run off? Have I given you any indication that I'm not totally into this?" He asks me quietly, taking a step closer to me.
"No, no you haven't. It's not you, it's this whole situation. Nothing about our relationship has been planned or predictable, so it's hard to think of the future between us when it's gone completely differently than either of us thought." He doesn't say anything in response for a while, letting my words hang in the air between us. I don't want him to run, but he might. That's the thing about relationships of any kind that I find difficult; the trusting that they won't just up and leave.
"Look, we didn't have the most conventional start, but I think we've done quite well. A couple of bumps in the road, but that was bound to happen. And considering neither of us has a lot of experience in this sort of thing, I think we're doing good," he points out with a gentle smile. It's weird to think of us both being so new at this. With most of Rhodes's past relationships lacking the emotional side and being purely sexual, he's almost as new to this as I am.
I do trust him; it's not about him. It's about the whole structure of our relationship. It's about me; there are certain thoughts and feelings I have about myself that I don't think can ever be changed.