"I hear from him every now and then. I used to get birthday cards every few years, a Christmas card once, but that was it. After he left, my mum, she, um, she kind of fell apart. Throughout everything we went through as a family, my mum adored him, and when he left, she was never the same."
"It started off kind of slowly; she would become really forgetful, she'd ramble on for hours about people who didn't exist, sometimes she'd just become so angry that she would scream and punch the walls." I feel Rhodes reach out his hand to touch mine. "She never hurt me," I say quickly, placing a pair of jeans into the bag.
"My aunt would help me look after her sometimes. When I would go to school, she would keep an eye on her and make sure she went to work. But when I was around 17, things got really bad, and she couldn't work anymore. We got a bit of assistance from the government, but it didn't quite cover things, so I started doing more work. On top of walking dogs and babysitting for other families in the neighborhood, I worked in one of the cafes on the weekends and a local fish and chip shop at night. Eventually, my aunt said she couldn't do anything more for her and took off too. The doctor finally insisted that she had to go into a facility where she could be looked after," my voice shakes as I tell him. I refuse to tell him why the doctor made that decision; the mental image of my mum attempting to jump out of a moving car on the highway is one that still gives me nightmares.
"Her diagnosis has changed a number of times: manic depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia. Our insurance covers her room at the facility and some of the programs she's in, but not all of her medications." I shrug, running out of clothes to fold. Now I have nothing to distract myself with. I raise my head to meet his gaze. It's full of sorrow. I hate that look; it's why I don't choose to share this story, also why I have so few people in my life.
"I lived with a couple of different people the last year of high school while she was in the facility. A couple of my friends told their parents about my situation, and I would alternate between staying with them. I couldn't tell anyone else what had been happening because I'd end up in the foster care system or something."
I wipe my nose with the back of my hand as I try to avoid Rhodes's gaze, the tears brimming at the edge of my eyes though I forbid them to spill. I attempt a sad smile as I shrug again. "So that's where most of my money goes. I had so little money because they've found this new medication that they have been waiting to get from the States for months. It's supposed to be really effective, but it's a lot of money. But you know, she needs it, and I need her.
That's it, that's me."
I breathe out a heavy sigh, filled with both relief and also fear. Relief that he knows, but fear that he won't want to deal with me now that he knows the truth. Rhodes blinks quickly, appearing to swallow a small lump in his throat, his eyes looking oddly glassy.