Not with me
Julie
Luke tries to say my name, gentle and calm, but I’m too far gone. The words spill out of me, raw and unfiltered, every ugly, twisted thought I’ve been trying to keep down coming to the surface like a wave I can’t hold back.
“Don’t you get it? I was the problem. I was the one hanging on to something broken from the start, and everyone else could see it but me. He was with her, Luke. Sleeping with her right under my nose, while I kept pretending we could fix things.” I let out a bitter laugh, and my voice cracks. “I kept telling myself that we’d get through it, that he loved me enough to stay. But the truth is, I was lying to myself, wasn’t I?”
Luke’s face is full of something I can’t quite read. Maybe he wants to argue, or maybe he just feels sorry for me. His voice is rough, barely a whisper. “You weren’t lying, Julie. You trusted him. That’s not a crime.”
“Isn’t it?” I feel my hands shaking in my lap, every word scraping out of me. It hurts. “Then why do I feel like an idiot? Like I’m the one who ruined everything while he was out there building a life with someone else? Do you even know what it’s like to give someone everything, to believe in them so completely, and then realize the whole time they were just waiting for a reason to leave? And the worst part? I was the perfect excuse—I was the one who couldn’t have a baby, Luke. How convenient is that?”
“Stop it.” Luke’s voice is louder, and there’s an edge to it, a kind of hurt that catches me off guard. “Ryan’s a coward, Julie. Don’t you see that? He didn’t cheat on you because he found someone better. He did it because he’s too damn weak to face his own life. It’s easier to blame you than to admit he’s a failure.”
The words are a slap in the face. I let out a long, shaky breath, my eyes glued to the dark road stretching out ahead of us. I can barely see, the streetlights blurring together through my tears.