NikkiElle, I’m telling you this as your best friend…
NikkiThis is a really bad idea.
Her words come through the phone loud and clear…
But they don’t phase me.
I’m set on my plan.
Because I’ve been hooking up with Tom Allen for exactly 1 month…
And tonight, I’m going to surprise him.
I place one final balloon by his door…
Then adjust the “Happy Anniversary” sign I taped to the headboard.
ElleI know what you’re thinking.
ElleAnd I know Tom and I aren’t “official” or anything.
ElleBut once he knows how I feel…
ElleAll that is going to change.
I hear footsteps down the hall.
NikkiBut—
ElleGotta go! He’s here!
ElleWish me luck!
I quickly hang up the phone and jump on Tom’s bed.
The door opens…
And the speed of my already racing heart rate ratchets up a notch.
When his blonde head finally appears, I yell…
ElleHAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
Tom jumps back at the sound of my voice.
He looks at me, then around the room, in shock.
TomElle??
TomWhat are you doing here??
I climb off the bed and give him my biggest smile.
ElleI wanted to surprise you.
ElleI know we don’t usually see each other during the week…
ElleBut I thought it’d be okay to make an exception.
ElleYou know, since today is our 1-month and all.
I gesture to the sign…
And my t-shirt.
Both proclaim the happy message.
The look on his face morphs into one of horror…
And I hear laughter behind him.
It’s then that I notice he isn’t alone.
His frat brothers are here too.
And they all seem to be enjoying the drama.
My smile starts to falter.
I look back at Tom…
Whose face has gone hard.
TomElle, we’re not dating.
ElleBut—
TomI know I made that clear.
TomI told you I wasn’t looking for a relationship.
ElleRight, but I thought…
I feel everyone’s gaze on me…
And their laughter echoes all around me.
Tom goes to the headboard and rips off the sign.
TomWhatever you thought was wrong.
TomI call you on the weekends, you come over…
TomWe hook up.
TomThat’s all this is.
TomI mean…
He swipes his hand over the bed…
Pushing the scattered rose petals onto the floor.
TomAre you serious with all this crap?
My lower lip starts to tremble.
Humiliation burns through my veins like battery acid.
I thought this thing between Tom and me was different.
I thought we really connected.
But Nikki was right.
I was misreading the situation…
Just like I always do.
Tom rolls his eyes at my expression.
TomGreat.
TomNow I’m the bad guy.
TomYou know, I heard around campus you were a little nuts.
TomApparently, I should have listened.
I start backing toward the door…
Knowing what’s coming next.
I don’t want to hear it.
TomYou and I…
TomWe’re over.
I turn and run from the room.
I hate those two stupid words.
I’ve heard them time and time again…
From guy after guy.
I’m so flustered on my way out…
That I bump into a tall redhead.
Steve, I think his name is.
When I see the look in his eyes…
I don’t stop to apologize.
Because if there’s anything worse than rejection or laughter…
It’s pity.
The next day…
I’ve been hiding in the library for hours.
I didn’t want to chance running into Tom or any of his frat brothers.
So when I feel a tap on my shoulder…
I nearly jump out of my skin.
I look up and lock eyes with Steve.
The tall redhead I bumped into last night.
SteveSorry, didn’t mean to scare you.
When I don’t respond…
He pulls something out of his back pocket.
SteveI think this is yours.
Fear grips me hard and fast when I see what’s he’s holding.
My “Tom” notebook.
A comprehensive journal of anything and everything Tom.
I snatch it from his hand.
ElleWhere did you get this?!
SteveTom’s bedroom.
I suck in a breath.
Oh god, I must have left it there last night.
My eyes fill with humiliated tears.
ElleWonderful!
ElleI hope you all had another laugh at my expense!
ElleNow just leave me alone.
But to my surprise, he doesn’t leave.
He just sighs loudly…
And pulls out the chair across from me.
Once seated, he leans over with a soft whisper.
SteveThe only person that saw it was me.
SteveI didn’t show anyone.
Stunned, I look up at him.
ElleY-you didn’t?
He crosses his arms casually on the table…
But his expression is tight.
SteveI think you’ve suffered enough.
SteveAnd if they saw that notebook…
He trails off, cringing…
And my stomach churns.
ElleSo you looked at it?
He shrugs.
SteveI didn’t know what it was at first.
SteveTo be honest, I still don’t.
SteveIs it some kind of stalker journal?
It’s not the first time I’ve been called a stalker.
But today, I’m in no mood.
ElleOh my god, I’m NOT stalking him.
ElleIt’s my Tom notebook.
ElleA list of his likes and dislikes…
ElleAnd other things I learned about him over the course our relationship.
ElleAnd his schedule…
ElleSo I know when I shouldn’t text him.
ElleI like to document my crushes.
ElleSo sue me! I—
I cut off…
Realizing how it all sounds.
Is everyone right?
Am I crazy?
Lovesick, like Nikki says?
Steve leans back in his chair…
And his eyes go wide.
SteveYou’re kind of intense.
His words make my eyes fill with tears again.
ElleSo I’ve heard.
ElleIs there something else you need?
ElleBecause if not, I’d like to go back to studying.
He taps his fingers on the table.
His hands are covered in freckles…
Just like his face.
SteveDid Tom lead you on?
SteveI mean, did he ever tell you he liked you?
ElleNo…
SteveDid he ever text you?
SteveLike, to ask about your day?
ElleWell, no but—
SteveDid he ever seem interested in anything other than hooking up?
My heart drops.
Why is it so easy for everyone else to see the truth?
ElleNo.
He turns his palms face-up on the table.
SteveThen why would you do something like you did last night?
And there’s the million-dollar question.
Maybe it’s because I need to get it out…
Or maybe it’s because all Nikki had to say was…
“I told you so.”
But I find myself telling him the truth.
I look down at my hands, embarrassed.
ElleI don’t know.
ElleI’ve always been this way.
ElleMy friends say I’m in love with the idea of love.
ElleI just want to find “the one,” you know?
He snorts at that.
ElleWhat now??
SteveThere’s no such thing.
I’m scandalized.
ElleOf course there is!
ElleHow can you say that?
He quirks a brow.
SteveI grew up with divorced parents.
SteveI’ve seen my buddies go through terrible relationships.
SteveNone of them end well.
SteveBecause love is fleeting.
SteveThat’s why I keep as far away from all that crap as I can.
He points at his shirt.
It reads: “Even Steven.”
I scowl.
ElleIf you go by that logic…
ElleYou’re going to miss out.
He leans forward.
SteveYeah?
SteveHow is that search for love working out for you?
I go to respond…
But he’s right.
I’m clearly going about everything the wrong way.
I suddenly find I’m envious of HIM.
ElleYou’re right.
ElleI should be more like you.
ElleGod, I don’t even know how to be friends with a guy.
ElleNot without imagining a future with him.
I put my head in my hands.
ElleI’m a failure.
Steve sighs loudly.
SteveCome on, Elle.
SteveI didn’t mean to make you feel bad.
SteveBesides, all hope is not lost.
SteveIf you want, I can help you.
ElleWhat do you mean?
SteveI’ll show you that you CAN be just friends with a guy.
I know he can see the confusion in my gaze.
ElleWhat guy?
He gives me a friendly smile.
SteveMe.
I frown at him.
ElleWhy would you do that?
ElleWhat’s in it for you?
He sighs.
SteveHonestly?
SteveIt’s just because I feel bad.
SteveLast night was brutal.
SteveAnd I want to help you out.
I stare at his hand again.
I DO need the help.
And Steve returned my Tom journal.
He’s already proven he’s not a jerk like the rest of them.
I reluctantly reach forward…
And my hand grasps his.
Steve quirks a brow.
SteveFriends?
ElleFriends.